Faking Orgasms…
By Alyssa Quimby, MD
Today’s post is inspired by Sex and the City’s Season 2, episode 4 - “They Shoot Single People, Don’t They??”
The girls all find themselves single at the same time and have a rowdy night out at the beginning of the episode at a salsa club. What initially starts as a message in female empowerment – think, “we don’t need men, we have each other” quickly turns to fear of being alone. As such, they all jump into relationships.
Charlotte with her handy man neighbor
Samantha with the owner of the club they went to
And Miranda with an ex-boyfriend she runs into that night
It later comes out that the reason Miranda stopped calling her ex is because he couldn’t make her orgasm so she ended up faking it each time. And so the question is raised – is it better to fake an orgasm so you don’t have to be alone??
Which leads me to the topic of our post today… Orgasms!
Orgasms are wonderful as you (hopefully) all know! And not surprisingly, I strongly support NOT faking orgasms for the following reasons:
It’s a version of not being honest with your partner
It sends the wrong message that they are turning you on and making you feel good when they actually aren’t
It prevents changes in your sex life that will make it more enjoyable for you in the long run
So if this rings true to you even part of the time, here are a few suggestions to help.
For most women who struggle with orgasm during partner sex it’s because they aren’t getting enough clitoral stimulation. There are some lucky women out there who can orgasm with penetration alone, but this isn’t the case for most of us. So if this is you, here are some things you can try:
Start with receiving oral sex until you get enough stimulation to be close to orgasm, and then quickly switch to penetration (or orgasm with oral sex alone!)
Stimulate your clitoris while your partner penetrates you from behind – you can stimulate yourself or they can reach a hand around
Incorporate a vibrator with penetration – there are wearable ones a male partner can use that go around the penis and are designed to give clitoral stimulation or other hand held vibrators can work too!
Regardless of what you try, communication with your partner here is key! Yes it can be awkward to talk about and you may have to tread lightly to not hurt anyone’s ego. But if you approach these conversations from a place of being committed to make your sex life better for both of you, most times this will be well received.
Ok friends... now for the fun part! I hope you enjoy practicing these new ideas and come back with improved orgasms for all involved - because faking orgasms is really not worth it.
